Monthly Archives: December 2009

10 Bizarre Torture Methods

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In Medieval times, they sought out ways
to cut back on crime. Instead of letting the criminals sit in a jail
cell, like today, they would use different torture devices. These
devices came in all shapes and sizes and were meant to scare other
would be criminals into not doing the crimes committed by the person
being tortured.

The Brazen Bull

This device was designed in Greece by
Perillos of Athens. He was a brass founder and he cast the shape of a
hollow bull with a door on the side. This condemned person was shut in
the bull. There was a fire lit underneath the device and because it was
brass it became yellow hot, which would cause the person to roast to
death. It was configured with tubes and stops, so when the person was
screaming it would sound like the bull was raging.

the brazen bull


The Breaking Wheel

This wheel of torture was used to kill
criminals and it did that very slowly. This device was a large wagon
wheel. The criminal would be tied to the wheel, where the punisher
would proceed to use a hammer to break the bones of the other person.
Once that was completed, they were left there to die and even the birds
would peck at their flesh until death was complete.

the breaking wheel


The Rack

This device is an oblong rectangle with
a wooden frame. It was raised from the ground with a roller either at
one end or at both ends. One end had a fixed bar, where the feet were
locked onto it, and the other end had a moveable bar, where the hands
were tied to it. It had a lever that was used as the interrogation
progressed. It was on a lever and pulley system that would eventually
cause the joints of the person being tortured to dislocate and then
separate. Eventually, the muscle fibers, ligaments, and cartilage would
break separating the limbs from the body of the condemned.

the rack


Judas Cradle

This torture device is a pyramid shaped
seat. The victim is placed on top of it, with the point inserted into
an orifice, then they are very slowly lowered onto it. The condemned
was usually naked in order to add to their humiliation. This device was
thought to stretch the orifice or to slowly impale the person. The
stretching of the orifice would cause pain, rips and tears, which would
eventually cause death.

judas cradle


Coffin Torture

This device was used in the Middle
Ages. The condemned would be placed in the metal coffin and left there
for the appropriate amount of time. Depending on the crime, the person
could be left in there to die, while animals ate their flesh or they
would be placed on public display, which would cause their death. The
people that would surround the person in the coffin would throw rocks
and poke the person with objects until they finally became deceased.

coffin torture


Iron Maiden

This iron cabinet with a hinged front
was made to be a tall upright cabinet that would enclose a human being.
It would have a small opening, which was closeable, so the interrogator
would be able to open and close it at their will. They would then poke
the bodies of the person with a sharp object. They would use knives,
spikes, or nails and the person inside was forced to remain standing in
one position, ultimately causing their demise.

iron maiden


The Knee Splitter

The whole purpose of this device was to
make a person’s knees useless. It was used in mainly during the
Inquisitional period of time. This device was faceted with spikes, from
three to twenty of them, and depending on the crime committed, depended
on the number used. IT had a handle the torturer would use to close the
device. The spikes would mutilate the skin and begin to crush the knee.
They would also use the device on elbows, arms and the lower legs.
There were even instances that they would heat the device to cause a
maximum amount of pain. Death wasn’t a result of this device, but it
the person refused to cooperate they would use other means.

the knee splitter


Heretic’s Fork

This device was used during the Spanish
Inquisition. It has two forks at opposing ends of a metal rod. One of
the forks would be placed under the chin, piercing the skin, and the
other end would be piercing the flesh in the upper chest. It didn’t
puncture any vital organs, so death would not take place during the use
of this method, but it made talking and neck movements impossible.
While wearing this device a person’s hands would be tied behind their
backs, so they could not escape it. It would harm the person’s neck
and, often times, spread diseases.

heretics fork


Saw Torture

This method was used to torture and
kill the condemned person, which were typically accused of witchery,
adultery, murder, blasphemy, or theft. The accused was hung upside
down. This slowed down the blood loss by forcing the blood to the brain
and it humiliated the person. This type of torture could last for
several hours. Some of the victims would be cut completely in half,
while some would only be cut up to their abdomen in order to prolong
their deaths.

saw torture

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Thumbscrew

This was used to get a confession from
the offenders. The fingers of the person were placed in the device and
crushed by the torturer turning the handle on the top. It could last
for a very long time and it was very painful. This was also used to
crush a person’s toes. They even made bigger versions of this device
used to crush feet, knees, elbows and even heads.

thumbscrew

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64 ways to insult people

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  1. I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
  2. Don’t get lost in thought; you’d be in unfamiliar territory.
  3. Calling you stupid would be an insult to all the stupid people.
  4. The more I think about you, the less I think of you.
  5. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.
  6. I’d ask you your bra size, but you’d have to realize that the ABCs keeps going after “C”.
  7. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
  8. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
  9. You should learn from your parents’ mistakes; use birth control.
  10. Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
  11. I’ve noticed that you never let a thought interrupt the flow of your conversation.
  12. No, I don’t mind that you’re talking so much — as long as you don’t mind that I’m not listening.
  13. I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
  14. Oh my God, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
  15. Good night! I’ll see you in my dreams — if I eat too much.
  16. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
  17. No, I don’t think you’re stupid. But then, what’s my own opinion against thousands of others?
  18. I love what you’ve done with your hair! How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?
  19. Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date.
  20. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
  21. You’re a person of rare intelligence; it’s rare when you show any.
  22. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself.
  23. Sure, I may be fat, but you’re an idiot — and I can lose weight.
  24. I’m sorry to hear about your illness. I hope it’s nothing trivial.
  25. When you were born, something terrible happened — you lived.
  26. I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
  27. Now I know why some mammals eat their children.
  28. Don’t you ever get tired of having you around?
  29. I don’t know what makes you tick, but I hope it’s a bomb.
  30. Are you a moron, or are you possessed by a retarded ghost?
  31. You are a beautiful person on the inside. Too bad we have to look at the outside.
  32. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  33. Someday you’ll find yourself, and you will be just as disappointed as the rest of us.
  34. Out of curiosity, were your parents siblings?
  35. If you said what you thought, you’d be speechless.
  36. I wish I had a lower IQ so that I could enjoy your company.
  37. No, no, keep talking! I always yawn when I’m interested.
  38. Is your family happy, or do you go home at night?
  39. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
  40. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet somebody who is attractive, intelligent, and cultured.
  41. A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
  42. May I have the pleasure of your absence?
  43. You say you’re a wit? Well, you’re half right.
  44. Sure, I’d love to help you out. Do you remember which way you came in?
  45. I’d like to say I’m glad you’re here. I’d like to say it; I just can’t.
  46. If there’s ever a price on your head, take it.
  47. I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
  48. Your teeth are brighter than you are.
  49. You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital.
  50. You’ll go far someday. I hope you stay there.
  51. If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.
  52. Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.
  53. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
  54. Are you always this stupid, or are you just making a special effort today?
  55. Me? Getting smart with you? How would you know?
  56. I’ll never forget the first time we met — although, I’ll keep trying.
  57. Don’t waste your money with a mind reader. Go see a palm reader instead — you’ve got a palm.
  58. Moonlight becomes you — total darkness, even more.
  59. I’d like to leave you with a parting thought, but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it.
  60. I know you are nobody’s fool, but there’s still hope that someone will adopt you.
  61. Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
  62. Your entire purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  63. Was that your conclusion, or simply the point in the conversation where you got tired of thinking?
  64. Must you leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

-Charu

101 ways to annoy people

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1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog “Dog.”

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield
wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”

16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.”

26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.”

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any
moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.”

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of
your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and
repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious
that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers
brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers
theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of
being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand
that people pronounce each “a.”

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed
is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something

about “psychological profiles.”

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.  

-Charu