Monthly Archives: March 2011

Nandan Nilkeni’s dream – National ID card

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Nandan Nilekani’s dream – how the national ID card will work  ………

Operator
: “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”

Customer:
 “Heloo, can I order..”

Operator
: “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”

Customer:
 “It’s he…, hold………on……889861356102049998-45-54610”

Operator:
 “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal Vayu…..Your home number is 2x26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”

Customer:
 “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator :
 “We are connected to the system Sir”

Customer:
 “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”

Operator :
 “That’s not a good idea Sir”

Customer:
 “How come?”

Operator :
 “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”

Customer:
 “What?… What do you recommend then?”

Operator : 
“Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”

Customer:
 “How do you know for sure?”

Operator :
 “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”

Customer:
 “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?”

Operator :
 “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00″

Customer:
 “Can I pay by! Credit card?”

Operator :
 “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year.  That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir..”

Customer:
 “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”

Operator :
 “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”

Customer:
 “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator :
 “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car…”

Customer:
 ” What!”

Operator :
 “According to the details in system, you own a Nano car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107..”

Customer:
 ” ?”

Operator :
 “Is there anything else Sir?”

Customer:
 “Nothing… By the way.. Aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”

Operator :
 “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic……. “

Customer:
 #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator:
 “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…?”oo

Customer:
 [Faints]

Monkey Business

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It’s an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending. 

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under 
one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few 
hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked 
up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and 
they had taken all his hats. 

The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. 
While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the 
monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did 
exactly the same. An idea came to his mind* He took his hat and threw it on 
the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his 
hats back. 

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller 
and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his 
grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a 
nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. 

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the 
tree. 

He remembered his grandfather’s words, started scratching his head and the 
monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the 
monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather’s idea, Sukhwinder 
threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to 
all the hats. 

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, 
gave him a slap and said, “You think only you have a grandfather !!!???” 


Charu